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bleodsweankaberettwaterswordOver the course of about six hours this week, the weather went from "pleasant warm early-summer" to "holy bananas, it is hot and sticky high summer" and I was not emotionally prepared for it. But I am promised thunderstorms today, and I got cucumbers at the farmer's market, and will finish swapping out the cozy linens for the crisp ones, and all of that will help.
paperghostThat said, for those of us who take SSRIs and other psychiatric drugs, there is a more nebulous issue that also deserves attention—namely, the forces of confusion, fear, and inertia that keep us gobbling these pills for decades.
Patients start taking medication because they are suffering. In that state, even a slim shot at relief seems like a smart bet. But that’s when the confusion starts. “Are the drugs helping?” isn’t necessarily an easy question to answer. Some patients know that their lives have improved. They feel lighter, sharper, more capable day to day. But for many others, perhaps the majority, improvement is devilishly hard to measure. Moods shift. Anxiety fluctuates. Sadness waxes and wanes. Circumstances change.
To understand what the medication is doing, for good and for bad, often requires a deep dive into the murk of subjective experience, where everything is in flux and the variables seem infinite. “Are you feeling better?” the psychiatrist asks. “I think so,” you answer. “I’m not entirely sure. It feels like maybe I am.” And if you do feel notably better, is the medication the cause? Or is it a placebo effect? Is it the work you’re doing in psychotherapy? Is it the fact that you’re eating better and exercising more? Who could say for sure?
The answer is that no one can. Not the academic researchers, not the psychiatrists, not the federal regulators, and certainly not the pharmaceutical companies. Yet once you get it into your mind that you may need your pills to feel all right, it can seem almost impossible to stop taking them. Why run the risk? Why open yourself up to the withdrawal symptoms, to the resurgence of your anxiety, to another depressive episode? What’s the big deal? It’s just a pill. Just take it and move on.
In this way, years can pass, years in which you wonder what your life would be like without the drugs—whether you would feel more brightly; whether you would have more creative thoughts and more intense sensations; whether your orgasms would be stronger; whether you would know better who and what you are; whether you would have a more intimate, unadulterated sense of your own capabilities, your own resilience, your unique consciousness. The damage here is harder to measure even than the long-term efficacy of SSRIs, for it isn’t an empirical question; it’s a moral one. And it gnaws at many of us, even as, for the umpteenth time, we trudge to the pharmacy to refill our prescriptions.
tygerThe con was... A Lot. Just. A Lot.
I enjoyed it, and made uh many many purchases, all of fanartist! (So many thing!) But also it was A LOT. Absolutely sure I didn't give some of the fanartists the attention they deserved, in between the overwhelm (cool things) and overwhelm (too many people), and the other booths, that I checked out after the fanart, definitely didn't get much of a look. (To be fair I don't tend to ping on official merch very much anyway so... there was a reason I left that section 'till last.)
I still think cons are more fun if you go with a friend, but it's not bad to go by yourself, either! I won't go to one again for a while, though, because they are. Definitely expensive. >>;;; I dunno how much I spent and I'm a little scared to look. But like my father said when I was showing my parents my cool stuff (on request!), I don't really have many expensive habits so it's probably fine occasionally!
Also there was someone selling buttons I got copies of the last time I was at a local con. WHICH WAS 2017. I did NOT expect to find anything from that long ago still in stock! I mean, they're great, and it definitely wasn't the full range from back then (and many many new things added), but STILL! :O :O :O
I did get a weekend pass, but I'm not gonna go tomorrow. Most of the draw for me, personally, is Cool Fanart Stuff; if I was going with other people or there were panels or whatever I was interested in, then another day might be fun, but as it is I don't have anything pressing. And I should... probably not spend any more money... >>;;;
I was there for something like six and a half hours, too, which is A LOT longer than I thought I'd manage! Pretty proud! :3 Now I need to go collapse for ...a while... though. Make the sore feet and headache go away! >:
fred_mousefred_mouseWith the dramatic change in how I spend my weeks upon me, I'm revisiting Habitica to see what needs doing. I did a bit of a tweak last week, working through my habits list and deciding what was good. I haven't posted that here, because it needed editing, and at this point it is unlikely that I will. However, what do I have in dailies, and how am I going to change it?
That leaves 7 daily activities, of which journal, reading the to do list and checking emails are required. My notes suggested adding a zotero related task, but I think I'm going to put that in habits instead.
* The advantage of moving things to habits is that on days that I do a lot of whatever, I can tick them off multiple times.
rmc28I'm playing an ice hockey game tonight in Cambridge, a charity fundraiser between Warbirds and Tri-Base Lightning. But until then I have a strangely unscheduled day. I might sleep or read or something.
I could post about what I've been up to lately!
Work:
Hockey:
Other:
Coming up: my summer is full of ice hockey camps and tournaments (Prague, Hull, Sheffield, Biarritz) and my old club Streatham have just announced all their summer training sessions will be "Summer Skills Camps" open to all interested WNIHL players, so I'm looking at going to London regularly again in July and August.
fred_mouseI really haven't been putting much effort into tracking things here; my last post about it was 10th of May. At that point I had finished 2 projects of the 10 I'm hoping for, and made good progress on three. I've not finished anything else since, but I have made good progress on some
Previous good progress
Progressed since
purrdence I'm reasonably happy with this progress. It is possible that either the knitting for kitties or the virus blanket will be finished next, because those are relatively portable. The former lives in my handbag; the latter is going to go in my uni bag (it is possible I will mostly stop carrying the handbag, because it doesn't fit a lunch or a laptop)
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fandomcalendar post). Sign-ups close on July 7th. sunshine_revival is a community set to revive the Sunshine Challenge, a companion to the snowflake_challenge, that will run through the month of July.allbingo is running a Pride Fest through the month of June. There are premade cards or you can create your own based on the available prompts. justmarriedexchange, a marriage-themed multifandom exchange for marriage tropes of all kinds: convenient, accidental, undercover, arranged, forced, etc, is open for nominations until June 10th, 11:59PM UTC.land_of_art is a landcomm challenge for graphic lovers. There are two teams and the first round is in progress and will continue until January 18th, 2026. Sign up for a team HERE.fourormore, a community to promote and celebrate ships with four or more people, is running a Bingo Event. Cards will given until December 31st. smallfandomfest is open for prompt claiming for its Small Fandom Fest. Submissions may be posted until July 31st. fancake's theme of the month is: female relationships. Click on the banner below to learn more! :)
kaberettA significant part of the problem is that we only start saying "all pain is in the brain" (or "the tissue isn't the issue" or whatever) to people with complex or chronic pain.
And there's a good reason for that! It's the same reason that I need to have a much more detailed idea of the fine detail of what an atom is and how it behaves than the vast majority of the population, for whom the Bohr model is perfectly adequate!
... and we need to explain that, we need to explain why we don't tell people with simple acute pain that All Pain Is In The Brain -- it's not because it's any less true for them, it's just that for most people most of the time they don't need to worry about that level of detail. But if you don't explain that, it sure do sound a lot like "your pain isn't real (unlike those people over there)".
Lies-to-children. That. That thing. That's a thing I need to explain.
tygerAnd yet, I'm feeling them! :/ Bleh. Gonna be a lot of people at the con, but it's okay! If I can't cope I can leave! And it'll probably be fine!!! >: I enjoy nerdy events, just. Peopleeee ugh crowds. Also, first time going to something like this by myself, which is Inherently Scary. Sigh.
Haven't got the switch cover done, which is annoying, so I probably won't take it with me. Not sure if happy or not about that hahahahaha oh well, whatever.
Got all my dragons cleaned up and put in the cabinet! There's still HEAPS of room, so I'mma go collect moar dragons, since my father doesn't want his any more. There will be a HUGE HOARDE YESSSSSS >D
kaberettwychwoodstonepicnicking_okapitygerSo today I got a display cabinet! :D
The timing of this is actually a coincidence, it's my Birthday-Christmas present from my parents, hahaha.
Anyway it's a nice old wood veneer one, couple of shelves with sliding glass doors, plus a little cupboard and drawer on one side. :3 :3 :3
Going and getting it + moving it + associated cleaning ate up most of my energy today, but I'm very slowly moving dragons into it! (The slowness is because they need SERIOUS cleaning first. So much dust! :( But once it's done I shouldn't have to do it ever again because CABINET :D) I've also put my shells out!
Not sure exactly how much stuff will fit in, of course, but with all of the furniture moving I've got a lot of shit everywhere right now so orz orz orz so much cleaning and tidying and sorting in my future... It does need it though, and has for a while, so I will attempt to not bitch about it too much, hahaha.
tozka
starwatcher)fancake is female relationships (of all kinds). Come make recs!unfitforsociety posted some Batman (Batfamily) fanfic recs. ( More links! )bleodswean - It's happening!!!kaberett - some joys of the daywatersword - (no subject)peaceful_sands - May Progress on my 101 in 1001 listpaperghost - doot doottyger - Big Day!!!fred_mouse - [backdated] daily notesfred_mouse - Habiticarmc28 - A mostly-free dayfred_mouse - [100 days] Craft project updatesvgurl - current fandom eventskaberett - [pain] today's articulationstonepicnicking_okapi - Collage Journaling: Jupiter & Saturntyger - Nerves are stupidpaperghost - lolkaberett - various sizes of joywychwood - in the midst of lifestonepicnicking_okapi - Poet's Corner: Miracles by Walt Whitmantyger - Cabinet!tozka - murdle, leather at pride, protest poetrybranchandrootdancing_serpent
