(no subject)

[alexseanchai]

Can I count things as out of the house if they are in fact merely out of my custody?

Because I emailed my mother last night to tell her I'm weeding my wardrobe, kindly do not impede the progress of the weeded items to the Goodwill donation station or the trash bin as appropriate. (I wouldn't have thought to do this if Marie Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up hadn't made a point of saying "don't let your parents see what you're getting rid of".) Her response was she's going through what I'm getting rid of whether I like it or not. She's rather missed the point, and I know better than to think she's actually going to go through this stuff before the community garage sale in a couple weeks. But short of my sneaking the bags of clothes out to my car in the dead of night, she's going to insist on keeping the stuff in the house for going through at a future date. It just won't be in my room.

Comments

[finch]

Honestly I think the important question is do you feel like YOUR stuff-load is lighter when they are no longer yours, or does knowing your mom has them squirreled away somewhere bother you? If knowing they're out of your space and your responsibility is enough, then I think that counts. Marie Kondo's advice is good but ultimately you can't be responsible for your mom's choices.

[fred_mouse]

This.

I would add to this - and who the items ultimately belong to after they have been claimed. If they are being 'kept for when you change your mind' there is a different loading to 'ooh, I've always wanted that scarf/shirt/pair of shoes, please let me have it/them!'.

[peaceful_sands]

I agree with these. I live away from my parents, but my mum still has opinions on what I should/should not have in my home. I know that she has a different opinion of me getting rid of clothes to getting rid of books, therefore I now only tell her when I've decluttered things that won't get her interest piqued - she thinks I have way too many books (she could well be right but... I'm decluttering as I finish with the ones I don't want to keep). Clothes are a different matter - I have to be able to prove that they are falling apart and beyond repair to satisfy - if there's a vague chance I might be able to 'slim down into them' then I should keep them, if they're immaculate but I don't like them and never wear them, then I haven't had my use out of them and should keep them until I have.

My solution (which wouldn't be as easy in your situation) is to only tell her about things that she will approve of and the rest I just do when she's not likely to notice - it does however lead to the occasional 'Why haven't I seen you in x?' or 'You should wear y when we go to such and such an occasion' that are tricky, but I feel better for it. My Dad by contrast approves of all decluttering - out is good regardless of whether you've had the full use of it or not.

I wish you luck in still managing to shed plenty of things.

[alexseanchai]

Nod, nod. We'll...see what happens when I actually get to weeding the wardrobe, I suppose.