unclutter | (no subject)

As we work through the clutter in our homes, I wonder... how has your view on material goods changed?

Let me back up.

Years ago, when Spouse and I were first married, we had disposable income for the first time ever. We'd combined our meager possessions and worked to get the necessary things, only that thing is fun and shiny! And ooh... we like that too. I bought mostly secondhand to get furniture and to fill the space. And it's just kind of kept going. We have all the furniture we need, and we're firmly in a "if we get a new dresser, then we get rid of a dresser" space. But pretty things to hang on the wall...

A few years ago, some friends and I started keeping each other accountable for our decluttering efforts. We did that method where on the first day of the month, you get rid of one thing, one the second day of the month, you get rid of two things, and so on, to the 30th day you get rid of 30 things. It was a fun task that kept me engaged and I started to reevaluate all the things we had as I cleaned up some paperwork here, some outgrown things there, and the never ending closets. Spouse encouraged, and occasionally participated. (some days I didn't meet the goal!)

Happily, since the decluttering has become habit in the past few years, and my donations secondhand stores keep us on track, and I don't go into the secondhand stores very often, and I send handmedowns along regularly, we've got possessions mostly under control. Now, when we see a shiny thing we like, we're able to ask "Where would we put it?" That question alone has kept things out of our carts.

The decrease in visual clutter has been great for my peace of mind. We still have piles, and landing zones, and too much stuff, but there's less of it. I feel better. Mentally clear. My stuff does not own me. I don't owe anything to these items. Accepting a gift does not make me beholding to that thing--I'll give it away if I don't need it.

What's your story?

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Yes, and no.

The yes -- in my early years at uni, I didn't think about the quality of what I was buying until one friend commented about saving a bit and buying furniture they could imagine living with for the rest of their life (I paraphrase). These days, I'm more likely to regard furniture bought at, say, IKEA, as something that is serving a temporary (even if several years) purpose.

The no -- I still love buying books (and DVDS, and sometimes CDs) and I love fiddly trinketty things. Exactly what I'm buying changes (at the moment, I'm buying Funko Pops; previously I was getting rubber ducks, before that something else). And I love the joy that I get from them. I keep some clothing I'm never going to wear again because I don't want to treat it as ephemeral. Which means that I carried around clothing my grandmother made me, Youngest wore some of it, and now they have outgrown it, I'm putting it away in case there is another generation.

That's the thing of it. What one person loves, another person would consider clutter. I actively buy books and CDs (and some vinyl, when the artist warrants my attention, space, and money). These are part of my daily life--well, CDs and books are, vinyl requires a bit more attention with the flipping over. But I hear so many others who are decluttering that they would get rid of all the books and CDs quickly--use their library, use streaming services, whatever. I refuse to rely on the library and streaming services for my media. Weak internet, outages, so on.

Your Funko figures aren't clutter to you. They are to me, because I don't like them. You may think my collection of vintage Sesame Street books and vinyl are clutter, but I like them. I think Spouse's board games are clutter, Spouse thinks my CDs are clutter.

I think one of the best justifications for decluttering I've ever heard is getting rid of stuff you don't need or love so you have more room for the things you DO love or which have sentimental meaning for you, even if someone else would consider them "clutter". Like Funko figures or CDs or the clothing your grandmother made you. :-)

(The hard part is figuring out which category things fall into....)

Thanks for making this post!

I started my decluttering journey probably about seven years ago. Which was then complicated by needing to clear out my mother's house after she died about five years ago. Her house was even more cluttered than mine. While a lot of stuff did get dealt with there, a lot of came into my house because it was easier to sort it and parcel it up for donation at home.

Looking back now, I can see how my parents and my childhood (materially pretty comfortable but with quite a lot of emotional, financial and physical instability) shaped my attitude to Stuff....

I used to keep a lot of things (a LOT) for that annoying houseguest Mr Justin Case. And sometimes you do need those things and can dive into your very cluttered space to find them. Mostly you don't. After several decluttering passes, I've got much better at understanding whether something is really worth keeping and is likely to be used. Also whether it will be actually usable in the event I do need it, or if I'd be better getting rid of it now and buying a new one then.

I also had issues with "sunk costs" -- not just financial ("I spent a lot of money on that") but also where there was a lot of emotional investment. One of the hardest things I had to tackle was dealing with the ridiculous amount of paperwork I'd accrued over 20 years of being self-employed. As well as keeping financial records, I'd kept all the notes from the projects I done, because sometimes I did need to go back and check something or take a shortcut on a new project by going back to a similar old one. I just didn't ever get round to purging the oldest stuff....

When I started, it was really hard, because work is a large part of my identity and it felt like I was trashing me to take those files apart and recycle or shred them. Now, enjoying all the space I've freed up, I'm kinda antsy to get rid of more stuff, but everything I have left is within the records-for-tax-purposes limit. So it will have to wait a while.

Someone also recently introduced me to the concept of having stuff for your "fantasy self": the hobbies and activities you are totally going to spend time on -- except you never actually do. That wasn't a huge amount of my clutter, but it was some of it. (There may be a little bit of that left, but as I now have the room to keep some things -- like craft stuff -- that I would really like to work on once I'm not spending so much time on decluttering, they can stay for now.)


yukonsally, I'm now much better at checking whether I really want some new shiny thing before I buy it, and having less visual clutter is definitely good for my mental health (and it's more annoying when clutter creeps back). So I'm hopeful I'll stay on top of new clutter in the future!

The fantasy self! And other people's fantasy of yourself.

My mother insists on taking me shopping for clothes and she picks out things I don't care for. She wants to get me things that aren't my style or I have no use for, so I ask her, "Is this for me or your fantasy daughter?" She puts things back.

And when she, or other people, give me a thing that is for the fantasy me, I thank them and quietly give the thing away. I've usually got a donation bin going so it's not extra steps to get rid of it.

Oh, yes, people can get such weird ideas about what you like and therefore want as presents (usually based on a throwaway remark ten years ago)!

I'm glad your mother sees sense when you challenge her about trying to buy things for her "fantasy daughter", even if she still tries in the first place.